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What it means to be a freight forwarder


Shorty Geschrieben am 15 Februar 2005



Dabei seit
22 Januar 2005
352 Beiträge
Dear Client:

We are capable of calculating quotations for three major projects, bookings for 5 different shipments and answering 12 totally unnecessary calls per hour, all simultaneously.

We do not require sleep and are at your service 25 hours a day, 8 days a week. Our home numbers are your numbers.

We are responsible for production delays, traffic jams, mechanical problems with trucks, aircraft and ships, and depressed economic conditions overall.

We have powers which allow us to add unlimited weight and volume to an already overloaded truck. We create miracles by loading limited weight & volume into the airline/seafreight containers.

Furthermore, we can always motivate drivers to be your free-of-charge temporary employees to help with loading and unloading.

Yesterday delivery requirements with cargo loading today are regularly completed the day before yesterday, ten times a day, every day.

We know that when you order a truck for loading on Monday that you really needed it on Saturday, but that you only want the overnight load delivered the following Wednesday.


You want us to be at the office on weekends & public holidays to unload your goods at 2am to ensure your truck returns back in time for your normal deliveries.

We are always friendly with a smile, have mastered telepathy, show empathy, and gladly act as our customer"s psychiatrists.

We embrace the challenge when you cancel the space with the airline & one hour later expect the airline to hold the space for you just in case you require the capacity back again.

We embrace the opportunity that you allow us to develop our negotiation skills with airline staff in securing capacity on already overbooked flights, & allowing us to freely negotiate a cheap spot rate for the freight as well.

We speak all languages and know the location of even the smallest town anywhere in the world. We are able to obtain a competitive freight rate, inclusive of clearance & door to door delivery in upper Mongolia or in Brazzaville, Congo.

At your request we can comply with any and all additional requirements your company may have. We repair vehicles and
computers.

For undisturbed road traffic we have cloaked our vehicles, and if that does not resolve a traffic jam, we are capable to free the roads upon request to meet the flight cutoff.

Naturally, payment of our invoice is optional and if your company has financial difficulties we will gladly advance unlimited funds for as long as you require them.

Our lives have been enriched by the endless opportunities that you have allowed us to experience.

Yours Sincerely
Your Eternally Grateful Freight Forwarder

CARGOFORUM PARTNER

airliner Geschrieben am 15 Februar 2005



Dabei seit
24 Januar 2005
590 Beiträge
Hi shorty,

tja, das Leben ist schon eines der härtesten. Mich wundert aber zu welch nachtschlafender Zeit du so einen Text aus deiner Feder bringst. lol

wish you the very best

PS schreib doch mal nen artikel für uns. bist doch begabt!!

Sales Geschrieben am 15 Februar 2005



Dabei seit
27 Januar 2005
115 Beiträge
Hmmm ... schau mal auf seinen Wohnort ... ist dann garnicht mehr so nachtschlafend ;-) ... Der Text ist gut, aber vermutlich nicht von Shorty, jedenfalls habe ich ihn schon mal bekommen, aber nicht von Shorty ;-)

Grüsse
Sales

hpgcl Geschrieben am 15 Februar 2005



Dabei seit
24 Januar 2005
57 Beiträge
Ja, Shorty, der Text ist gar nicht mal so schlecht. Hast Du noch mehr davon?!?

Gruss, hpgcl

Shorty Geschrieben am 18 Februar 2005



Dabei seit
22 Januar 2005
352 Beiträge
Hallo Airliner,

Der Text ist leider nicht von mir. Habe ich mal per Email zugeschickt bekommen.

Hallo Sales,

Ja. Ich wohne in Singapore. Damit war die Zeit schon OK.

Gruss
Shorty

Transfair Geschrieben am 05 November 2005



Dabei seit
13 Oktober 2005
1 Beiträge
Tja Leute, der Tag hat 24 Stunden und wenn das nicht reicht nehmen wir die Nacht auch noch dazu :roll:

Aircargo Geschrieben am 08 November 2005



Dabei seit
30 Juli 2005
34 Beiträge
airliner wrote:
PS schreib doch mal nen artikel für uns. bist doch begabt!!
Here we go, einfach das ganze mal ein wenig umgeschrieben :)

Dear Freight Forwarder:

We are capable of calculating quotations for 20 different bookings to 5 different destinations and answering your calls about where your shipment is, all simultaneously.

We do not require sleep and are at your service 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Our mobile numbers are your direct line, don't worry about the time.

We are responsible for customs problems, strikes, mechanical problems with trucks and aircraft, and and any other problem.

We have powers which allow us to add unlimited weight and volume to a CR1 . We create miracles by loading your shipment, for which you gave us no correct dims or weight on any aircraft.

Furthermore, we can always motivate our Handling Agent to be your servant, accepting shipments after LAT, deliver the shipment 10mins after ATA and rebuild your pre-build pallets within 5mins. Contours we gave you are just recommendations.

We know that when you book a slot, that you'll bring the freight 10mins before STD, but you insist on flown as booked. Booked dims and weight might vary, +-5m +-5t. Don't worry, we'll manage! AWB and FWB Data don't match? No worries, we'll find out data required by CBP and will amend the AWB data, free of charge of course!

You want us to be at the office on weekends & public holidays (Im Gegensatz zu den FFn sind wir das sogar :twisted: )
to deliver your goods at 2am to ensure your truck returns back in time for your normal deliveries.

We are always friendly with a smile, have mastered telepathy, show empathy, and gladly act as our customer"s psychiatrists.

We embrace the challenge when you cancel the blocked space with us and one hour later expect us to block twice the volume for you just in case you require the capacity.

We embrace the opportunity that you allow us to develop our rate negotiation skills but do you think all airline staff can live on rice and soja sauce? If you don't book before delivering the shipment we gladly just take the rate and flight you put on the AWB. We can do it and don't deserve more money for it.

We speak all languages and know the location of even the smallest town anywhere in the world. We are able to obtain a competitive freight rate, inclusive trucking, overnight custom clearance, straight delivery to any point of the world... We're just happy to arrange a charte on Sunday for Monday. We can even provide your flight attendants kosher food and catering same day without prior notice.

Naturally, payment of our invoice is optional and if you doubt the chargeable weight, we will gladly just charge you the kilos you put on the AWB.

Our lives have been enriched by the endless opportunities that you have allowed us to experience.

Yours Sincerely
Your Eternally Grateful Airliner

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